FEMALE VICTIM
Help Bat——
MUGGER
Now-now， pretty young thing， nice
and easy……
FEMALE VICTIM
Please， don't hurt me， I'll do
anything……
Suddenly the mugger squeals in pain —— his hand is *
yanked out of the purse by a stinging whip that's *
wrapped around his wrist. *
With a screech， Catwoman suddenly lands around the
mugger's neck， twisting him down in a brutal tackle.
CATWOMAN
I just love a big strong man who's
not afraid to show it， with
someone half his size.
MUGGER
Who the……
Catwoman smiles politely， and puts away her whip. *
CATWOMAN
Be gentle， it's my first time.
The Mugger charges up at Catwoman， who savagely Rockettes *
him back， gasping with fixed-the-toaster-by-myself delight.
Then a flurry of talon scratches across his face that sends
him squealing to the asphalt.
CATWOMAN
Tic……Tac……Toe.
FEMALE VICTIM
（rushing up）
Thank you， thank you， I was so
scared……
Catwoman swats the Female Victim back against a wall.
CATWOMAN
You make it so easy， don't you ——
you pretty， pathetic young thing？
Always waiting for some BatMAN to
save you.
The Female Victim is quaking， mouth twitching in fear ……
As Catwoman leans forward， Victim cringes， expecting the
worst. But Catwoman throatily whispers into the Female
Victim's ear：
CATWOMAN
"I'm Catwoman， hear me roar."
Then gaily cartwheels out of the alley， into the night.
68B INT. STOREFRONT OFFICE BLDG. （CAMPAIGN H.Q.）——NEXT DAY 68B *
The Strongman pumps iron， rippling the bellydancers
tattooed on his biceps. An acrobat walks on his hands
across the filthy floor， past ……
Max， walking Penguin down the stairs， one hand over his
protegee's slitted eyes.
MAX
Don't look， Oswald. It's a
surprise.
PENGUIN
A big bag of fan mail？ Filthy
lucre？ Wait don't tell me …… Is
it a broad？
We follow them down to the spiffy ground floor storefront.
68C INT. CAMPAIGN H.Q.——DAY 68C *
Max lifts his palm off Penguin's puss.
MAX
Ta-da.
Penguin's eyes pop. We reveal the storefront （the window
is draped for secrecy） as Cobblepot For Mayor campaign
headquarters！ Bunting， balloons， posters proclaiming Ozzie
vs. the Insiders， desks， MacIntoshes， and fresh-scrubbed
college-kid Volunteers.
Who now burst into CHEERS and APPLAUSE for a speechless
Penguin. Under all that ruckus.
PENGUIN
Bu …… wh …… I …… I mean ……
MAX
Yes， adulation is a cross to bear.
God knows I know. But someone's *
got to supplant our standing-in- *
the-way-of-progress Mayor and *
don't deny it， Mr. Cobblepot， you've *
got the magic！ *
PENGUIN
Max， elections happen in November. *
Is this not late December， or have
I inhaled too much swamp gas in my
time？
Suddenly， a stylish， slick and instantly loathsome pair pop
out of nowhere， bedecked with accessories —— JOSH and JEN.
JOSH
Keep the umbrella！ Works for you！
I'm Josh. Here！ Reclaim your
birthright！
He sticks a gold cigarette holder in Penguin's mouth. As
they flutter around him， Penguin instinctively fidgets.
JEN
I'm Jen. Stand still while I slip
on these little glove-thingies ……
She's tugging cute stuffed Mickey Mouse-y gloves over the
Penguin's fingers， and trying to suppress her gag reflex.
JEN
Our research tells us that voters
like fingers.
Josh， meantime， queasily fingers Penguin's tattered
clothes. Then flashes a "we've got a ways to go"
grimace， at Max.
JOSH
Not a lot of reflective surfaces
down in that sewer， huh？
Jen chuckles. Penguin joins in the laughter. The
Volunteers laugh， too.
PENGUIN
Still， could be worse. My nose
could be gushing blood. *
JOSH
（frankly confused）
Your nose could …… what do you ……
Penguin suddenly —— viciously —— chomps on Josh's cute
snout. The Volunteers GASP.
MAX
Enough！ Everyone ……
While Josh faints， in b.g.， Max leads Penguin away to a
quiet corner. And confides：
MAX
You're right， we missed the
regularly scheduled election. But
elected officials can be recalled，
impeached， given the boot！ Think
of Nixon， Meacham， Barry …… Then
think of you， Oswald Cobblepot，
filling the void.
Penguin nods. He's thinking about something quite like
that.
PENGUIN
Me and that "Jen" chick…… maybe *
we could take a tumble…… *
He furtively glances over at Jen， swabbing Josh's blood.
PENGUIN
Wonder if it's worth my time. *
MAX
We need signatures. To overturn the
ballot. I can supply those， Oswald.
PENGUIN
I could teach her my "French *
flipper" trick…… *
MAX
Oswald： We need one more thing. *
PENGUIN
（snapping out of it） *
A platform？ Lemme see …… Stop
global warming. Start global
cooling. Make the world a colder
place. FRIGID ……
MAX
That's fine， Oswald. But to get
the Mayor recalled， we still need
a catalyst， a trigger， an incident.
Like the Reichstag fire， the Gulf
of Tonkin.
PENGUIN
"You're doin' great， Mayor
Cobblepot." "Your table is ready，
Mayor Cobblepot." "I need you，
Oswald. I need you now. That's
the biggest parasol I ever ——"
Suddenly Max's words sink in. Penguin points at the ceiling.
PENGUIN
Ah. You want those lawless，
mindless， homicidal imbeciles up
there …… you want my old friends
…… want them to humiliate the
powers that be. Drive the Mayor
into a foaming frenzy. You want
my hideous cohorts to go haywire.
Max smiles.
MAX *
Precisely. But they must come and *
go via the plumbing ducts that I've *
provided. That shall be as sacred *
as the separation between church *
and state.
PENGUIN
…… Want 'em to go apeshit. Nutso. *
Ballistic …… Do permanent damage
to little old ladies. Loot， pillage，
annoy people in a big way ……
（muses）
SOUNDS fun. But I ……
Max looks at him： but you what？ An evil shadow falls
over Penguin's face. We DRIFT IN on his slitted eyes， as：
PENGUIN
I got my own …… QUEST to pursue *
up here. It's crucial I not get *
sidetracked， with some silly …… *
MAX
Sidetracked？ Oswald， this is
your chance to fulfill a destiny
that your parents carelessly
discarded ……
PENGUIN
（puffing up）
Reclaim my birthright， y'mean？
MAX
（nods）
Imagine： You'll have the ear of
the media. Access to captains
of industry. Unlimited poon-
tang ……
Penguin quickly decides.
PENGUIN
I wanna be the Mayor. I wanna be
the Mayor of Gotham City ……
Then looks out at the city. And makes a benediction：
PENGUIN
Burn， baby， burn.
