38 INT. PENGUIN'S LAIR——NIGHT 38
We continue to squirm down the walls of the lair where *
Penguin found his home， before settling to a tight glimpse
of Max Shreck slumped over the edge of a block of ice.
Max teeters up into consciousness， glancing to his side
to see a grand Emperor Penguin curiously staring at him. *
Max yelps. The Penguin yelps back.
Calming himself， Max turns to face forward， then screams
again. The block of ice is revealed to be a strange con-
ference table populated by the Red Triangle Circus Gang， *
including： a disturbingly Ratty Poodle and its matching *
owner， a Ratty POODLE LADY； the Organ Grinder and his two *
monkeys； the Tattooed Strongman； the Sword Swallower； the *
Knifethrowing Dame； the Fat and Thin Clowns； the three *
Stiltwalkers； Flame， the Snakewoman； and four ND acrobats. *
An awesome， SEEDY ELECTRICAL GENERATOR wires to a massive
air conditioner， wheezes sparks with a malevolent hum.
The gang's snickering now fades into respectful silence.
Actual penguins of every size heedlessly horseplay in
the icy moat. Now we hear the sound of a drip. Max
turns……The drip is seen thudding against an umbrella
improbably held by one of the penguins. As he emerges
from the pack， we see that he wears a grimy coat. Then
he flaps down his umbrella， revealing his face for the
first time in glory. It is not a penguin but The Penguin.
PENGUIN
Hi.
Max launches into a face-contorting wail， but his shock
prevents him from emitting actual sound. He closes his
mouth then tries another Munchesque wail to no aural effect.
PENGUIN
I believe the word you're looking
for is……A-A-A-A-A-G-H-！
Then：
PENGUIN
Actually this is all just a bad
dream. You're home in bed.
Heavily sedated， resting
comfortably， and dying from the
carcinogens you've personally
spewed in a lifetime of profiteering.
Tragic irony or poetic justice？
You tell me.
MAX
My god …… it's true. The Penguin-
Man of the sewers …… Please， don't h——
PENGUIN
Quiet， Max. What do you think，
this is a conversation？
Max shuts right up. Penguin idly "tries out" his little
umbrella —— it spits fire. Satisfied， he sets it down.
PENGUIN
We have something in common， we
two …… We're both perceived as *
monsters. But， somehow， you're a
well-respected monster， and I am…… *
to date…… NOT. *
There is a small arsenal of umbrellas at his feet. He
picks up another one： it shoots knives.
MAX
（mustering courage）
Frankly I feel that's a bum rap.
I'm a businessman. Tough， yes.
Shrewd， okay. But that doesn't
make me a mon——
Penguin cuts him off with a CACKLE.
PENGUIN
Don't embarrass yourself， Max. I
know all about you. What you hide， *
I discover. What you put in your *
toilet， I place on my mantlepiece.
Get the picture？
Penguin is playing with a third umbrella. He begins to
twirl it at Max —— it's got a bright spiral pattern， like
one of those cheesy "hypno-disks" from the backs of
comic books.
MAX
What， is that supposed to
"hypnotize" me？
PENGUIN
No， just give you a splitting
headache.
MAX
Well it's not working.
Penguin "fires" the umbrella at Max —— a DEAFENING
gunshot. Max flies back in horror： Am I hit？
PENGUIN
You big baby！ Just blanks. Would
I go to all this trouble tonight
just to kill you？ No， I have an
entirely "other" purpose.
Suddenly Penguin is solemn， subdued —— is that a tear in
his eye？
PENGUIN
I'm ready， Max. I've been
lingering down here too long. I'm
starting to like the smell …… bad
sign. It's high time for me to
ascend. To re-emerge. With your
help， your know-how， your savvy，
your acumen. I wasn't born in the
sewer， you know. I come from ……
He looks up， at a place far above the sewers.
PENGUIN
Like you. And， like you， I want
some respect …… a recognition of
my basic humanity …… an occasional
breeze ……
Even the Circus Gang looks touched. Max stays poker- *
faced.
PENGUIN
Most of all， I want to find out who
I am. By finding my parents.
Learning my "human" name. Simple
stuff that the good people of
Gotham take for granted.
MAX
（boy， is he tough）
And exactly WHY am I gonna help
YOU？
On cue， one of the Carny Creeps hands Penguin a grimy
Christmas stocking with "Max" disturbingly stitched on it.
PENGUIN
Well， let's start with a batch of
toxic waste from your "clean"
textile plant. There's a whole
lagoon of this crud， in the back……
He pulls a rusty thermos from the stocking and， from the
thermos， pours some goo onto the tabletop， which sizzles.
MAX
Yawn. That coulda come from anywhere.
PENGUIN
What about the documents that prove
you own half the firetraps in Gotham？
MAX
If there were such documents —— and
that is not an admission —— I would
have seen to it they were shredded.
Another Carny Goon hands over a sheaf of papers —— they've
been shredded， but carefully placed together with tape.
PENGUIN
A lot of tape and a little patience
make all the difference. By the way，
how's Fred Adkins， your old partner？
MAX
（rattled）
Fred. Fred？ He's …… actually he's
been on an extended vacation， and ——
From under the table， Penguin pulls out a discolored human
hand and happily waves it at a whitened Max.
PENGUIN
（ventriloquist）
Hi， Max. Remember me？ I'm Fred's
hand.
（leans forward）
Want to greet any other body parts？
Or stroll down memory lane， with
torn-up kinky Polaroids？ Failed
urine tests？ Remember， Max ……
You flush it， I flaunt it.
Max sits here —— chastened， thoughtful， considering all
the incriminating evidence before him. Now he manages
a smile.
MAX
You know what， Mr. …… Penguin-Sir？
I think perhaps I could help
orchestrate a little welcome-home
scenario for you. And once we're
both back home， perhaps we can *
help each other out …… *
PENGUIN *
You won't regret this， Mr. Shreck. *
He puts out a hand. Max shakes. Penguin abruptly pulls *
his flipper away， leaving Max holding "Fred"'s severed
paw.
*
The Carny Crew booms in laughter. Max offers a weak giggle.
38A EXT. GOTHAM PLAZA - NEXT DAY 38A
The Mayor， accompanied by TV news-cams， grimly tours the
scene of last night's rampage. Accompanied by his Wife，
holding their BABY （great photo op） and an appropriately
solemn Max.
MAYOR
（to reporters）
I tell you this， not just as an
official， but as a husband and
father …… last night's eruption
of lawlessness will never hap—— *
Suddenly from behind the ravaged Tree， an ACROBAT-THUG
somersaults at the Mayor's Wife， and snatches the Baby！
Then leaps onto the platform and holds the baby up， like
an Oscar.
ACROBAT-THUG
I'm not one for speeches， so I'll
just say "Thanks".
The Mayor lunges for the attacker and gets pivot-kicked
to the ground. The THUG races through a frightened crowd ——
—— and falls into an open manhole. As bystanders gather，
and try to peer into the darkness below， we HEAR：
THUG'S VOICE
Hey！ Oww！
Now the THUMPS of somebody taking a merciless POUNDING.
And the SCREAMS of the Thug. Now he comes scrambling out
of the manhole， dazed and empty-handed …… and madly
dashes away ……
Next， amid cries of "Stand back！" and "My God， look！" the
bystanders back off， revealing the spectacle of the
Mayor's tiny child levitating —— as if by magic —— from
the depths of purgatory. But no， it's not magic ……
it's …… Penguin！ He holds the babe aloft in one yucky
but powerful flipper.
