Sorry. You'll have to submit *
reports， blueprints and plans to
the usual committees， through the
usual channels.
This isn't what Max wants to hear. But before he can
retort：
SELINA
Um， I had a suggestion. Well，
really， actually more of just a
question ……
Max turns， goggle-eyed at the impertinence. *
MAX
I'm afraid we haven't properly
house-broken Ms. Kyle. In the
plus column， though， she knows
how to brew coffee.
As Chip follows his father and the Mayor out he tells *
Selina， re the untouched coffee.
CHIP
Thanks. Y'know it's not the
caffeine that buzzes us —— it's
the obedience.
Now Selina is alone.
SELINA
Shut up， Chip.
Then she slaps her forehead with her palm.
SELINA
"Actually more of just a question."
You stupid corn dog. Corn dog.
Corn dog.
14 EXT. OUTSIDE SHRECK'S DEPARTMENT STORE——NIGHT 14
Max， his son and the Mayor roll out from beneath the *
SHRECK sign， through popping flashbulbs and happy
Gothamites.
Max smoothly hands a fifty and a second bill to a
Salvation Army Santa. Santa checks the second bill.
It's a single.
CHIP
Watch your step， Dad， it's pretty
grotesque……
Max gracefully side-steps an island of melting sludge. *
We follow its oozing stream down into a sewer grate.
15 INT. BELOW IN THE SEWER——NIGHT 15
A silhouette of a squat， gnarled figure responds to the
icky drizzle by flapping open an umbrella， in shadow.
16 EXT. THE STAGE——NIGHT 16
As Max and the Mayor move —— both smiling —— to the dais：
MAX
I have enough signatures —— from
Shreck employees alone —— to warrant
a recall. That's not a threat.
Just simple math.
MAYOR
Maybe. But you don't have an issue，
Max. Nor do you have a candidate.
The elegant clock behind them says five minutes till
seven. Max and the Mayor both peck the Ice Princess's
cheek. Now the Mayor takes the mike. With forced
joviality： *
MAYOR
The man who's given this city so much
is here， to keep giving. Welcome
Gotham's own Santa Claus， Max Shreck.
17 INT. MAX'S OUTER OFFICE——NIGHT 17
Selina sullenly scribbles "Obey" on a post-it pad which *
she then sticks on the edge of her computer beside other *
girlishly masochistic post-its like "Don't 'get' jokes"
and "Save it for your diary".
Selina pouts at the sound of the cheering crowd. A *
phone rings. She just stares at it. Then past it， to
a legal pad sheet with the word SPEECH scribbled atop
it. Selina pops to it in a panic.
SELINA
Darn. DARN.
18 EXT. THE STAGE——NIGHT 18
Max， the Mayor， and his staff proudly hurl small wrapped
boxes into the eager audience. Max then stops to unzip
a hand-size portfolio——it is empty. He then gives a calm，
clenched-teeth hiss to Chip. *
MAX
Forgot. My. Speech. Remind me to
take it out on Selina.
（into mike）
"Santa Claus"？ 'Fraid not. I'm
just a poor schmoe who got a little
lucky， and sue me if I want to give
a little back. I only wish I could
hand out more than just expensive
baubles. I wish I could hand out
World Peace， and Unconditional
Love， wrapped in a big bow.
19 INT. SEWER BELOW THE STAGE——NIGHT 19
The umbrella closes to reveal a POV of the babbling Max
up through a stage-side sewer grate.
A RASP
Oh， but you can. Oh， but you
will ……
His clammy flipper rises up， barely into the light， to
flick open a rusted， ornately battered time-piece. One
minute till.
20 EXT. GOTHAM PLAZA——NIGHT 20
A GARGANTUAN CHRISTMAS PRESENT WITH A COLOSSAL RED BOW
is suddenly seen floating into the Plaza. Citizens turn *
their heads from the stage to gasp in wonder.
Behind the Adorable Little Girl， Alfred reaches a parked *
Wayne Rolls Royce and tosses in his present. He pulls off
a ticket from the windshield with a huff， then looks out
to the big present. Warily.
The alarms on the clocks in the Batman Store window go *
off at seven o' clock.
21 EXT. THE STAGE——NIGHT 21
The Mayor admires the Mega-gift. Grudgingly：
MAYOR
Great idea.
MAX
（mystified）
But not mine……
Max drops a present. It lands atop the sewer grate *
below.
22 INT. THE SEWER BELOW——NIGHT 22
Angle on a shadow of the face of the man one calls *
PENGUIN. *
PENGUIN
Deck the halls.
23 EXT. THE PLAZA——NIGHT 23
One can make out motorcycle wheels churning beneath the
box and even some moving feet when suddenly the front
of the box tears open. With a rebel yell， a GANG of
SURLY CARNIVAL DENIZENS WITH RED TRIANGLES TATTOOED OVER
THEIR LEFT EYES blitzkrieg the crowd， which includes
Alfred， who protectively bolts toward the Little Girl.
A STRONGMAN COVERED IN TATTOOS emerges out of the box to
slam the All-American Dad and swipe his Batman sled，
which Strongman then uses to hammer down Santa Claus.
24 EXT. BEFORE THE DEPARTMENT STORE——NIGHT 24
Oblivius， Selina rushes out with Max's speech.
A TRIO OF SCOWLING BIKERS buzz her to the ground.
The Batman sled crunches against a frosty police wind-
shield. A disgruntled COMMISSIONER GORDON sputters out
into his radio.
GORDON
What are you waiting for？ The
Signal！
25 EXT. THE GOTHAM SKY——NIGHT 25
THE RENOWNED BAT BEACON blazes onto the edge of the night.
26 INT. WAYNE MANOR——NIGHT 26
The Bat Beacon can be seen through an elegant mansion
window.
Its reflection is picked up in an ornate mirror in the
grand living room and then followed to another
strategically placed mirror. The reflection glows
against the face of a sitting-in-darkness Bruce Wayne.
He moves out of the light.
27 INT. THE SEWER——NIGHT 27
Through the grate bars， the beacon in the sky can be made
out， accompanied by strange squawks.
THE RASP OF PENGUIN
Ooh， Batman…… You gonna piss on *
my parade……？ *
28 EXT. THE PLAZA——NIGHT 28
A FIRE BREATHER smashes open a big hole in the Batman
Store display window with his Fire-rod. He sticks his
rod in his mouth， then bellows a cloud of flame onto the
Batman merchandise.
Amid the chaos of whimpering victims and dropped shopping
bags， a fleeing Ice Princess shoves an Elderly Woman to
the ground.
29 EXT. THE STAGE——NIGHT 29
Monkeys with cap-pistols frolic on the shoulders of a man
equipped with an organ-grinder-Gatling-gun， as he fires
artillery into the Christmas tree， blasting off ornaments，
cables， and lights. Max and the Mayor hit the deck.
ORGAN GRINDER
Take THAT， tannenbaum！
A FAT CLOWN leaps onto the stage with a WICKEDLY DRESSED
DAME， who wears an assortment of knives， and a RAGGEDY
SWORD SWALLOWER who chokes up an Excaliber.
KNIFETHROWER DAME
Relax. We just came for the guy
who runs the show.
The Mayor bravely steps forward.
MAYOR
What do you want from me？
Laughing， the Sword Swallower pushes him off the stage.
SWORD SWALLOWER
Not you. Shreck.
Now Chip heroically stands.
CHIP
You'll have to go through me.
FAT CLOWN
All this courage. Goosebump-city.
Simultaneously the Knifethrower whip-throws a knife that
grazes Chip's ear.
MAX
Son！
CHIP
Dad！ Save yourself！
Max has already dashed off the dais.
30 EXT./INT. BATMOBILE——NIGHT 30
The Batmobile rockets toward the viewer， the bat insignia
reflecting off the windshield. It plows through the
gargantuan "present，" shredding it to pieces.
Three STILT-WALKERS are viciously kicking the crowd. *
BATMAN slams down a lever.
Twin blades sprout from the Batmobile's sides， like
wings， to saw off the stilts， whose owners now crash
down， face-first.
Out of slots， Batman fires a whooshing array of small，
black， metal frisbees into the heads of some Carnival
gangsters and Bikers.
Now he focuses upon the Tattooed Strongman， chasing
Alfred and the Little girl.
Alfred looks to the oncoming Batmobile and knowingly
ducks. A black frisbee savagely jettisons over his head，
into the Tattooed Strongman's face， crumpling him to the
ground. Alfred rises up to broadly beam at the passing
Batmobile.
